


Sweater Weather

by Kikithehousemoose



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: But everyone is cool with it, Edward/Brian (mentioned), Everyone knows each other, Julia is alive and still married to Magnus, Lydia/Lup (mentioned), Mentions of drunk kissing and kissing other people's partners, Modern AU, Other, holiday parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikithehousemoose/pseuds/Kikithehousemoose
Summary: "But don't they know, Lydia?""There's no such thing as an ugly sweater."The Vogue Elves consider themselves challenged to be as "ugly" as possible at Taako's ugly sweater party. Written for TAZ Candlenights Secret Santa 2018.





	Sweater Weather

**Author's Note:**

> Since this fic is supposed to be a gift I'm not gonna waste time saying that it's definitely part of the "We Three" verse. It can be it's own thing. Hope you enjoy, and happy holidays!

“Lyd, what’s this?” 

 

“Hm?” Only her twin brother could catch her following a workout DVD. Lydia was on her back with her legs up in the air, only having just started to sweat, her hair in some kind of poofy style on the top of her head to keep it off of the back of her neck. She turns to look at what he has in his hands, then scoffs, turning back to the television. “Oh, that’s the invite to their ugly sweater party.” 

 

_ Their,  _ of course, meant Lup and Taako. Edward and Lydia, being  _ so  _ much older, refused to call them “the twins” as much as they could, since that title should  _ clearly  _ belong to them. Everyone else had picked up different ways of referring to the two sets; all except for Kravitz, who had to take the extra time to specify  _ every  _ time he brought one of them up. Really, he should have learned better by now.

 

“They’re only calling it that because they know Kravitz will be there, and  _ he  _ doesn’t have any taste. But don’t they  _ know,  _ Lydia?”

 

“There’s no such thing as an ugly sweater,” they say together.

“Especially on us! How dare they think we even  _ own  _ anything ugly.”

 

Lydia rolls over onto her stomach, resting her head in her hands while she watches him. “It’s always the same thing. Nobody knows the difference between ugly and  _ loud,  _ Ed.”

“Loud is  _ fabulous!  _ Fashion is supposed to be dazzling! Eye-catching! Breathtaking! A way of attracting attention!”

 

“You would think Taako would get that, of all people. What do you think  _ he’s  _ going to wear?”

“Oh, some kind of celebrity thing, I’m sure.” Edward flips the card down on a table. “He’ll look great in it, either way. There are going to be some poor choices, but no one there is going to be  _ ugly.  _ We aren’t  _ friends  _ with ugly people.”

“I don’t know. Johann’s been pretty tacky.”

“He’s not ugly, Lyd, he’s just sad. He could use a little more serotonin and some fun shoes.”

  
“And Magnus--”   
“Won’t be wearing a shirt”

“Won’t be wearing a shirt.”   
“That’s not tacky. That’s just hot.” 

“Ed, we get it, you’re gay.”

He leans back on the table, making the gayest moan ever. “Don’t  _ expose  _ me. Come on, get up, you know what needs to be done.”

Lydia grins wickedly, rising up from her reclined position, stopping and turning off the program on TV. “Pull out all the stops?”

Edward nods seriously. “We can’t risk anything. If they think loud is ugly, then we need to  _ give them  _ ugly. Neons, reflectives, sequins, we need  _ everything  _ Lyd.”

“I think I’m speaking your language, Ed-boy.” 

Grabbing a towel from the nearby couch, Lydia trots up the stairs with her brother, the two of them heading in different directions to collect the best, most gaudy outfits possible.

 

“Okay Ed, I found that striped jumper! The green-red-purple one.” 

Edward kisses his fingers. “Love it. That would go great with this neon green checkered turtleneck.”

“Ugh, yes.  _ Oh,  _ where’s that green-yellow knit cardigan we got for Kee as a prank gift once?”

He gasps. “In what’s left of his room. You’re a genius.”

“Tell me something I don’t know and go get it. I’ll look for something you can wear under it.”

“Make it a cr--” “Not a crop top Ed. Step and fetch!”

 

Lydia looks through their multiple closets as Edward goes through their younger brother’s room. She comes to another bright green knitted top, but decides it looks too normal for what they’re wanting. When he comes back, she turns around, dangling a new piece between her fingers.

“I know it’s a loose knit” she says to silence his objections “But hear me out: we can put sequins in the holes.”

 

Edward’s eyes light up. He clutches his heart, leaning dramatically against the doorframe. “Bright yellow sequins.”

“Bright  _ yellow and red  _ sequins.

“Oh  _ Lydia.”  _

She poses pridefully before setting it down at the work desk. “You start on that, my nails are too fresh. I’ll go find us some shoes. Tallest?”

“Tall or loud” he responds, sitting down to get right to it. Lydia is only gone for a few minutes before she yells out.

“Zebra! Platforms!” 

“ _ Me! _ ” he claims. “You can have those red ones with the spikes and the bookmark.”

“Bookmark, Ed?” 

“You know what I said!”

Lydia comes back in with the shoes in question. “We need pants.” 

“We have plenty of multicolored sequin pants, Lyd, don’t even worry about it.”

“You’re so right. I guess that’s it, then.”

“Mmhmm. All we’ve got to do now is work on it.”

Lydia grins, turning dramatically to the closest mirror, posing as if she’s about to faint. “How  _ dare  _ you say our costumes are  _ ugly! These  _ were over  _ three thousand each!  _ What an  _ atrocious offense!  _ That good?”

Edward laughs. “We never lose our touch.”    
  


“That we don’t. We ready?”

“Let’s blow their brains out.”

“Not what that means, but I’ll take it.

~   ~ 

Heels flew haphazardly through the door as it opened, followed by a loud exclamation. Edward walked into the home, barefoot, with Lydia following close behind, partially holding him up. The fog of the early afternoon sifted in through the doorway, bringing the chill of the past 48 hours of fun and mistakes. 

“You would have thought Taako was trying to get with me with that lingerie” Edward sighs, throwing himself dramatically onto the couch, “But  _ noooooooo. _ ”

“Don’t complain. At least you still managed to get with someone” Lydia closed the door behind her and immediately began to undress, not tolerating well the fact that she had came home wearing the same outfit she left in two days prior. Edward makes a noise from the couch.

“You did too. Magnus said no hard feelings, right?”

Lydia shrugs, going to fetch a nightgown. Edward shields his eyes with his hand as her naked body passed by him, even though they had seen each other countless times in dressing rooms. “I doubt he’d hold it over you. You were tipsy, he’s a hunk, who could blame you?

“Brian, apparently.” Edward wails, keeping his hand over his eyes for dramatic effect. Lydia comes back downstairs to join her brother on the couch, sighing louder than him. 

“Taako gave you lingerie, you kissed Magnus, you went at it with Brian. There’s no layers to that one, Ed, that’s just a real good night.”

He blows air out of his lips. “And what a night. What about you? I know you ended up with Lup, but was there anyone before that?”

Lydia brings a finger up to rub her lips idly, staring off at the wall with a look of satisfaction. “Barry made me kiss him if I was going to have Lup, which was fair. Julia kissed  _ me  _ as retribution for you kissing Magnus, which was totally hot, even if it was a joke to them. And I might’ve had a round at Brian.”

Edward gasps, smacking her thigh. “That’s my man!” 

“Not for an hour he wasn’t.”

“You’re joking. You’re the worst. Don’t play with my delicate heart like that, Lyd, my entire  _ soul  _ has a hangover.”

“That Candlenights Cider  _ was  _ filled to the brim.  _ But,  _ Ed-boy, you need to keep in mind the most important part of our two days.”

Edward yawns. “The new infestation of glittered sequins in their house?”

Lydia nods with a wicked smile. “We broke that party like a pinata. We  _ had  _ to be the ugliest ones there.”

“ _ Oh,  _ don’t  _ say  _ that, I can’t stand it.”

“It’s just giving me ideas for next year. I think we could incorporate some string lights into the mix. Maybe set them to music.”

“Lydda, will there  _ be  _ a next year?”

“Oh dear, sweet Edward” she pats his knee, “There’s always a next year.”


End file.
